ELVIS & THE YOGI TAKE A MAGICAL, MYSTERY TOUR

Elvis’ favorite spot on earth was a spiritual oasis on Sunset Boulevard in notoriously shallow L.A. Founded over 50 years ago by the late Hindu holy man, Paramahansa Yogananda, all the world’s religions are enshrined in its natural setting. The Lake Shrine of the Self-Realization Fellowship is a magical, secret garden. A rainbow of humanity visits this outdoor cathedral to become one with Nature, one with each other, and one with God.

Elvis, a true seeker, was a devoted student of Yogananda’s teachings. Elvis often walked around the mirrored lake at the Shrine to the World Peace Memorial. He reverently kneeled at the stone sarcophagus containing a portion of the ashes of the martyred Gandhi. The founder of this New Age retreat was also Gandhi’s yoga teacher.

Elvis asked his friend who headed the Self-Realization Fellowship: “Why did God make me Elvis Presley?” She responded by giving him some ancient manuscripts, hinting that the answer to his question might be in them. The King of Rock ‘n Roll, like the great Mahatma, shook his soul awake through Kriya Yoga, a millenniums-old sacred spiritual science that emphasizes the underlying unity of all the world’s great religions.

“There must be world brotherhood if we are to be able to practice the true art of living,” the yogi wrote in his autobiography, one of Elvis’ favorite books.

Elvis loved everything New Age. Metaphysics. Numerology. Cosmology.

He was a great fan of the Russian born occultist, Madame Blavatsky, known as “The Mother of New Age.” Gandhi and Einstein were fans, as well.

Gandhi left his well-heeled secular lawyer’s life because of Blavatsky’s “The Key to Theosophy”. Gandhi credited the Jewish born sage with “disabusing me of the notion that Hinduism was rife with superstition. She showed me Hinduism at its best.” He kept her book nearby until his death by an assassin’s bullet.

Einstein fell in love with Blavatsky’s mind after reading “The Secret Doctrine” published in 1888. In this book, the Madame foresaw Einstein’s 1905 theory of relativity. She wrote of the infinite divisibility of the atom. She affirmed that the infinite vibratory motion of everything is a natural law of the universe. She also wrote that the moon was older than the earth. There were gaffaws heard ‘round the world on that one! Scientists were amazed when the astronauts who landed on the moon brought back rocks that were older than those on earth. Einstein kept a copy of “The Secret Doctrine” on his desk until the day he died.

Elvis named his gospel group “Voice” after being mesmerized by Blavatsky’s book “The Voice of Silence”, which contains the translation of ancient, secret Tibetan incantations.

The work of the long dead Jewish lady from Russia excited the Southern choirboy from the First Assembly of God Church so deeply that he sometimes read passages from it on stage. The audience’s reaction has never been disclosed. After Elvis’ heart stopped, “The Voice of Silence” remained opened on his nightstand.

Until the end of his days, Elvis had a strong belief in God. Elvis loved Jesus, yet was never baptized and never joined a church. He had a passion for gospel music and performed and recorded many gospel songs.

While filming Harum Scarum in Hollywood in the mid ‘60s, a disenchanted Elvis sought solace at the Lake Shrine retreat. Yogananda said that, “This shrine has been created for all religions, that all may feel the unity of common faith.” Elvis meditated daily for many years and followed the ecumenical approach to enlightenment.

Elvis’ spiritual beliefs were woven like an intricate, highly personal tapestry, culled from his voracious appetite to learn everything about Hinduism, Judaism, theosophy, positive thinking and Christianity. His reading on Judaism, inspired by his mother’s Jewish great grandmother, led to Elvis adding a Star of David to his mother’s headstone. He also wore a chai, the Jewish symbol for life, the last year of his life, along with a cross.

Elvis lamented: “I know some of the things I think are kind of far out… and I don’t meet a lot of people that I can relate to, and those that I do meet need to know more about their spiritual selves.”

The legendary Elvis knew that the Cosmic Golden Web we all tread on is far more intricate and powerful than anything we can imagine. Through the gossamer strands of light on this web, everything, everybody and every place since the beginning of time are interconnected.

“The world is a playground of God and a reflection of His glory,” exulted Gandhi.

If only Elvis could have frolicked in that playground unfettered by the fame and fortune that imprisoned him…

(c)2006, Sistarrs International
Excerpts from The 12 Spiritual Secrets of Beverly Hills”, ©1999, Randa & Patte Starr

CHER & HER BAGEL BOY AND ANNIE OAKLEY & HER SITTING BULL

The all-time biggest targets of tabloid trashing are perennially hot Cher AND legendary, long dead Annie Oakley.

Cher began as a singing duo with Sonny the year of President Kennedy’s assassination (1963) and Annie Oakley was born the year Lincoln was elected President (1860). Yet these two entertainers share the distinction of being the most admired and most maligned celebrities of their era.

Generous and driven workaholics, they never cared much for drinking, drugging, gambling or staying up late. But the tabloid press fastidiously ignored all that and clobbered them anyway.

Both of these superstars began life destitute, but determined to be stars. Fatherless at an early age, they were 15 years old when they met men 12 years older who married them and guided them to fame and fortune.

Proof positive that absentee dads are a powerful thing long after they’ve vanished.

For almost 20 years, Annie Oakley dazzled the world with her shotgun genius as the star of Buffalo Bill’s Wild West Show. The diminutive damsel took aim and the bullets whizzed fast and furious, ALWAYS hitting their targets. She nurtured a spotless reputation for decency and fairness. Annie was even adopted by her castmate, the infamous Sioux warrior Sitting Bull, who named her “Little Sure Shot”.

A shocked Annie Oakley awoke one day in 1903 to a screaming headline in two Hearst-owned Chicago newspapers that she was a thief, a cokehead and a jailbird. The story said she stole money from a black man to pay for a coke addiction that had aged her beyond her years.

Though the story was totally untrue, Hearst newspapers picked it up and ran the piece coast-to-coast. This was the modus operandi of William Randolph Hearst, the father of “yellow journalism”. The tabloid tycoon actually did the p.r. that launched the Spanish-American War just for personal power and wealth. Déjà vu all over again?!

For the next six years, Annie Oakley devoted herself to shooting down Hearst’s lies by filing 55 lawsuits against his newspapers across the country. “These terrible lies nearly killed me,” she lamented. Though she won all but one lawsuit, she lost much of her fortune on legal fees and her health suffered. BUT SHE FOUGHT THE TABLOIDS AND WON!

While an old Indian chief adopted Annie Oakley as a daughter, the part-Cherokee Cher chose to adopt a bevy of beautiful boys as her lovers. The tabloids ragged on her endlessly about this proclivity. The tabloid stinkers dubbed her favorite boy toy “The Bagel Boy” after they got wind of his former profession.

Word is that when Cher first eyed Bagel Boy’s chiseled features and sinewy, slim body, she gave her bodyguards orders to: “Undress him, bathe him, and bring him to my tent.”

The paparazzi pursued the two lovebirds until they forced the Bagel Boy out of Cher’s Holmby Hills nest. Tabloid love sure HURTS.

Judging from the scandal sheets, Cher’s major crime appears to be financing countless Beverly Hills plastic surgeons and their extended families. Let’s see, at last count the gossipmongers allege: removal of two ribs, chin implants, brow lifts, a nose job, neck tightening, breast & buttock implants, collagen injections into her lips, botoxed forehead, and tattoos in highly sensitive, obscene body cavities.

Hey, forget about the Oscar, the Grammy's and the Golden Globes awarded to her in a 40-year career. Cher should get a Purple Heart and the Medal of Honor for keeping up the morale of the country and the troops through at least four wars. Staying a full-fledged skinny sex symbol into your sixties really HURTS. And deserves props.

Cher got fed up in 1981 and sued STAR magazine for misuse of her image. She spent more on legal fees than the half million plus bucks she got in a settlement. BUT SHE FOUGHT THE TABLOIDS AND WON!

Still, Cher and many other stars are often spotted at newsstands shamelessly buying the tabloids. Proving what millions of ordinary folks know: Guilty pleasures are indestructible and live on. A million years from now after global warming and the dreaded nuclear winter, all that will survive are the cockroaches, the Star and the Enquirer.

(c)2006, Sistarrs International

MARILYN MONROE & ALBERT EINSTEIN: THEIR SECRET LOVE AFFAIR

"Here lies Marilyn Monroe --- 38-23-36". That's what Marilyn saw as her epitaph. She was a lot smarter than people thought. Forty-four years after her death, her vulnerable, gargantuan sexiness oozes beyond her Westwood crypt onto the American landscape and beyond.

The red hot website MySpace.com, boasts 75 million users. Most weren't born when Marilyn died. Yet there are countless Marilyn Monroe Tribute sites. Millions of young girls on MySpace list her as their hero.

Even our 16-year old Hare Krishna niece worships the 60's sexpot. She expressed one wish when she visited us in Malibu: "Can you take me to Marilyn Monroe's grave? She's my all-time idol!"

How can we explain the world's captivation with this depressed, mentally ill, drug addled, promiscuous, alcoholic actress who rarely bathed? Well, she did join the pantheon of stars who die young to live forever. That's ALWAYS a good career move in Hollywood.

Perhaps Einstein theorized the Marilyn Monroe phenomenon best:

"The gift of fantasy has meant more to me than my talent for absorbing positive knowledge. Imagination is more important than knowledge."

Yes, Marilyn captured Einstein's imagination and gonads. They lived together on Fantasy Island for awhile. The sex was hot between The Genius & The Sexpot of the 20th Century. He joined the legion of lovers who ignored her fatal flaws and their own humanity to bed a legend. Even Einstein autographed his photo: "To Marilyn, I am forever grateful!"

At a dinner party, Einstein and Marilyn sat next to each other. After a few flutes of champagne, she cooed in his attentive ear: "I want to have your child. With my looks and your brains, it will be a perfect child!"

Einstein replied: "But what if it has my looks and your brains?"

Marilyn Monroe had self-knowledge, but in the end lacked the tools to change things. That tormented her.

"Hollywood is a place where they'll pay you $1 million for a kiss and fifty cents for your soul," Marilyn wryly observed. "I often stood silently at parties for hours listening to my movie idols turn into dull and little people."

She had a football stadium of lovers, but not one real friend. The Hollywood Dream Machine, which demands impossible perfection, chewed her up and spit her out to an early grave.

Einstein knew the dark side of the dazzling illusion of fame. Marilyn Monroe should have heeded the advice Einstein gave her at that dinner party:

"Strive not to be a success, but rather to be of value."

(c) 2006, Sistarrs International

LINDSAY, WOODY, AND ELVIS: STARS & THEIR JAILBIRD DADS

For those of you who are enamored with bad boys AND celebrities, you've just won the trifecta!

Guess which celebrity's bad boy dad we're talkin' about?

A famous star's dad is a hitman for organized crime. Twice convicted of murder for hire, he was behind bars for most of the celebrity's childhood. Many law enforcement officials believe he was involved in the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Daddy is currently serving two life sentences for the murder of a federal judge.

A Hollywood icon's socialite drunken, drug-addicted dad served four years in a federal prison for bilking investors out of millions of dollars. He routinely threatens to kill his entire family, including the star. In his down time, he punches out strangers, drives drunk and brags to fellow inmates in the slammer that his kid's a movie star. He's currently serving up to four years in the pen for assault, drunk driving and revocation of parole.

A singing legend's hillbilly dad was sentenced to three years in the state penitentiary for forgery, causing his wife and boy to become homeless. They borrowed bus fare to visit him in prison. This caused grave, life-long psychological problems for the boy when his mom made him the "man of the house" during his father's incarceration. That job description included sleeping in the same bed with mom, on his father's side. His daddy's criminal history and inability to hold a job once out of prison made the boy a target for bullies in school.

WOODY HARRELSON had a deeply religious mom and a convicted murderer dad. Charles Harrelson. Woody's often said that his father's past transformed his present.

The former "Cheers" star and Oscar nominee for best actor in "The People vs. Larry Flynt" is a tireless crusader for freedom from what he views as the government's tyranny over the "little guy". Woody's an outspoken proponent for legalization of marijuana and hemp AND an activist in the antiwar movement. Along with Pam Anderson, he's an ethical vegan who denounces animal experiments in the cosmetics industry and in medical labs.

Woody Harrelson is absolutely convinced of his father's innocence and has spent millions trying to get his father's murder conviction overturned. While wildly successful in Hollywood, Woody has repeatedly failed in the appeals courts. His father remains in a Texas maximum security prison.

LINDSAY LOHAN's career in show biz began at age three when she appeared in TV commercials (Toys 'R' Us). At seven she modeled for Calvin Klein and appeared in magazine ads. She cut her acting teeth at ten on a soap opera. By eleven she starred in Disney's remake of the 1961 classic, "The Parent Trap".

Unfortunately, her felon dad, Michael Lohan, missed most of these auspicious years as he was busy serving time in the federal pen for commodities fraud. It seems the heir to a pasta business bilked thousands of investors out of millions of dollars in a "pump and dump" scam.

Lindsay became a superstar in 2004 as the lead in "Mean Girls" and simultaneously a media target. The harsh spotlight focused on the teen star's prodigious nightlife: her battles with drugs, alcohol, fatigue, bulimia, and her parents' titanic battles in the marital and legal arenas.

Lindsay's recent asthma attacks, drug and booze episodes, dehydration and exhaustion, and all-night heavy partying, followed in the wake of daddy dearest's latest run-ins with the law. Who wouldn't be stressed out with a big-time Hollywood career, scathing threats from your current producer for bratty behavior AND an alcoholic, drug addict, rageaholic cad of a dad who's a loose cannon?!

The jailbird had the chutzpah to demand in a court proceeding, while handcuffed and in custody for other criminal offenses, drug and alcohol testing for Lindsay and her mother and $3 million from Lindsay's earnings. Luckily, the judge ruled against him.

But career criminal Michael Lohan is the gift that keeps on giving.

In the last year and a half he was arrested for skipping out on a hotel bill, hitting his brother-in-law on the head with a shoe and splitting open his head. It took fifteen stitches to close it. (This maternal uncle was later convicted of stealing over half a million dollars from the 9/11 Victims Fund. Oy vey, criminals in both sides of Lindsay's Family Tree. Uh-oh, not good for her future progeny.)

Malcontent Michael also punched out a sanitation worker for blocking his parking spot, and a few weeks later was charged with drunk driving when he caused a fiery wreck by ramming his car into a utility pole.

He recently got sentenced to up to four years in prison for his potpourri crime spree.

Lindsay's grandma echoed the sentiments of the entire family when she told the New York Daily News: "We're all much happier when he's in jail and not around. He is obsessive possessive to the point where he doesn't want anyone else being friendly with his wife and children."

Lindsay might have reason for yet another alibi to add to her growing resume of reasons why she has disrupted the shooting schedule of her latest movie, "Georgia Rule". Studio security just sounded an alarm. It has been confirmed that Lindsay Lohan has a stalker.

ELVIS PRESLEY's dad, Vernon, in reality, went to the penitentiary for the crime of being poor. He was convicted of forgery for altering a paycheck from $3 to $8, and then cashing it at the local bank. Community service, not prison, would be his sentence today as a first time offender. In 1938 Mississippi, land of the chain gang and murders of inmates by prison guards, Vernon got three years in prison.

Vernon's employer held the loan on the Presleys' two-room house and called the note in as soon as Elvis' dad got sent up the river. Remember Simon Lagree operated in Mississippi? Elvis' mother couldn't pay off the loan on her ten buck a week wages at the Tupelo Garment Company. Elvis and his mother were homeless.

He and his mom moved in with her parents, and at age three, Elvis became "the man of the house". Thus began Elvis' odd relationships with women. Mom and little Elvis traveled to visit his daddy in prison and returned exhausted. He took his father's place in bed with his mother for mutual comfort. They cuddled and talked together in their very own language. This lasted for eight months until Elvis' dad came home. And some say beyond. It was during his father's imprisonment that Elvis developed insomnia and started to sleepwalk. These sleep disorders would plague him throughout his life.

Until the day he died, Elvis cherished his mother way beyond the depth of a devoted son. His mother incestuously smothered and spoiled him 'til the end of her days. Elvis would enjoy sex with a woman until she became a mother. After that he just couldn't touch her. Now Dr. Freud would have a field day with that one.

Yes, having jailbird dads profoundly impacted the lives of Lindsay, Woody & Elvis. It seems the penal system produces more prisoners than just the convicted.

(c) 2006, Sistarrs International

JESSICA & ASHLEE AND GYPSY ROSE LEE: SIZZLING SISTERS AND STAGE PARENTS FROM HELL!!

There are two sister acts in show biz whose parents pushed them out on the circuit very early and who struggled well into adulthood to free themselves from filial suffocation. Their manager parents pimped them out to fame and fortune by sexualizing them and pocketing the money.

Jessica and Ashlee Simpson made the rounds in the 1990’s on the Christian Youth Conference circuit, strong armed by their dad, Pastor Joe.

Daddy dearest made Jessica pledge her virginity to her future husband during a ceremony at the tender age of 12. A few years later, he showed an unhealthy interest in his daughter’s breasts, as well as her sex life: “She’s got double D’s. You can’t cover those suckers up!” Thank God, Jesus loves you, Pastor Joe. We don’t!!

Jessica was discovered singing to the heavenly choir at a church camp. She signed with a Christian label and toured with gospel superstars CeCe Winans and Kirk Franklin before Tommy Mottola of Columbia Records signed her. In 1999, her first pop album, Sweet Kisses, sold 2 million copies.

Ashlee is the twinkle toes in the Simpson clan. She studied classical ballet at age 3 and went to New York City at 11 to continue her terpsichorean studies. She developed an eating disorder at this time and dropped to 70 lbs. on her 5’ 2” frame. Ashlee recovered in L.A. with her family and became a back-up dancer for Jessica after her sister’s first album hit.

Gypsy Rose Lee and her sister June Havoc had a loud mouth, dangerous mother named Mother Rose Hovick. She threw the girls out on the 1920’s vaudeville circuit when they were barely out of diapers to fulfill her unrealized show business aspirations and to pay the bills.

The singing and dancing star of the show, Baby June, ran off at 16 to marry a boy in the act, decimating the family’s finances. Mother Rose had him arrested. She showed up at the police station packing heat. In a murderous rage, she pulled the trigger, but luckily for the lad the safety feature was on. It’s safe to say the newlyweds honeymooned in Outer Mongolia.

Mommy dearest then forced the less talented Louise to become a stripper. Practically a child, the frightened girl’s immoral, borderline mother threw her out center stage to strip for faceless ogling men. The Jewish Mama Rose’s new meal ticket dutifully christened herself Gypsy Rose Lee and became the toast of Minsky’s Burlesque. Known as a “high class” stripper because she read intellectual books and wore opera length gloves when she stripped ever so slowly,
Gypsy became the toast of the Manhattan glitterati and wrote the bestselling mystery thriller, The G-String Murders.

Mama Rose was involved in a murder mystery herself. The two sisters, successful entertainers as adults, continued getting demands for money from their intimidating, lying, cheating mother.

Mama opened a lesbian boardinghouse and being as good a hostess as she was a mother, Mama Rose shot and killed one of her guests. According to Gypsy’s son, Erik Preminger, Mama killed her own lover after she made a pass at Gypsy. The “incident” was explained away as a suicide and the cops bought it!

Coming from a dysfunctional family, Gypsy aligned herself with her feared mother and never forgave her sister June for leading an independent life.
Gypsy and June were united, however, by their common belief that Mama Rose was a monstrous bitch who put her self-interests ahead of her children’s well-being.

Both felt free to write about Mama Rose only when she was dead and buried six feet under. Until then they feared lawsuits or an ambush. Gypsy wrote her memoir in 1957, which got made into the smash Broadway show and movie, Gypsy.

Gypsy Rose Lee died of cancer 12 years later with her mother’s last words echoing in her brain: “Wherever you go…I’ll be right there. When you get your own private kick in the ass, just remember: it’s a present from me to you.”
Ah, a mother’s love is mystical indeed.

And Pastor Joe’s debilitating, omnipresent interference as both manager and dad protecting his meal tickets…just how healthy is that? Being sexualized by dear old dad bragging about the size of your mammaries and how hot they look in a T-shirt is more than a tad weird. Being pathologically obsessed with your daughters’ sex lives and sex appeal to the masses doesn’t score too many points for Father of the Year.

Picture this folks, Pastor Joe produced Jessica’s reality TV show, Newlyweds, and followed his little girl and her future ex-husband, Nick Lachey, everywhere with a video camera, capturing every intimate detail of her life, right up to lovemaking in their bedroom. We know that art and commerce dissect in many x-rated worlds, but biblical pastoring, too?!

But a miracle seems to be at hand…

Jessica who couldn’t balance a checkbook at age 24 and never saw a supermarket scanner, now seems to asserting her independence from her randy pastor dad, with little sister Ashlee tagging close behind.

After turning his church choir daughters into worldwide sexual commodities, and
after praising the sexiness of Jessica’s body and boasting at an MTV production meeting that he helped fit her for her first bra, and after managing his daughters’ public and private lives with an iron fist, word comes down that the 48-year old former youth pastor can’t get his kids to give him the time of day. Insiders say that his controlling. obnoxious behavior has finally turned his girls against him.

“Back in the day, if Joe wanted Jess anywhere he’d just order her to come, but that clearly isn’t the case now,” reports an insider.

The sisters are taking the reins back from the man who helped make them rich.
Giddyap, girls…and don’t look back.

Jessica recently told her father, “Dad, I’m capable of making my own choices. If I need your opinion, I have all your numbers!”

And we have Pastor Joe’s number, too. Back off, buster…