Sunday, August 20, 2006

MADONNA: THE WORLD'S GREATEST FEMALE IMPERSONATOR

Madonna: The World's Greatest Female Impersonator
In the Eighties, Madonna donned diamonds and a pink taffeta gown and became the bumping, breathless sex siren MARILYN MONROE, playing the quintessential man-eating golddigger in the 1953 movie, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes."

In the Nineties, she dressed in drag in manly tails and a top hat, flirted and planted kisses on girl singers and chorines, and became the gender-bending MARLENE DIETRICH in the 1930 German flick, "The Blue Angel".

But the charismatic chameleons latest act, copping a feel from ANGELINA JOLIE's heartfelt philanthropy to Third World tots, is a brand new twist in her repertoire.

MARILYN MONROE proved an inspired first choice for Madonna to emulate in her unrelenting march to immortality on the trails blazed by iconic women.

Madonna's video of her first hit, "Material Girl", is an identical re-enactment of Marilyn's musical number "Diamonds Are a Girls Best Friend" from the 1953 movie, "Gentlemen Prefer Blondes", right down to the hot pink gown and even hotter choreography with slavish men vying for the sexpots attention. This slyly salacious video put Madonna on the map and led to a meeting with her Hollywood prince, Sean Penn, and a subsequent regal wedding.

Both Marilyn and Madonna had much in common: the will to do whatever it takes to achieve superstardom. Nude photoshoots. Sleeping with hordes of men who could help get them there. And sharing the same one true love: posing for the camera unto eternity. They both had a recurring fantasy of being naked in a church and delighting in the shocked congregation silently admiring their concupiscent wonders.

For over a decade, Madonna's been shocking the congregation with her titillating, quasi-religious send up of "Like A Prayer", doggie style. Recently, she attempted to put the Pope in the Pissed Off Group of Congregants by inviting him to her "Confessions" concert in Rome to witness her "crucifixion" on a disco-mirrored cross, while wearing a tiara of thorns over her blonde tresses. Mercifully, he declined.

MARLENE DIETRICH and her bisexual shtick in the 1930 German film, "The Blue Angel", playing nightclub singer Lola-Lola, a jaded, slutty cross-dresser who tips her top hat to a pretty lady sitting ringside, pulls a long stemmed rose from her tuxedo and plants a long, wet one on the lady's kisser, AND Fraulein Dietrich's real life AC/DC lifestyle, inspired Madonna to even greater sybaritic, shocking heights.

In her 1993 stage spectacle "The Girlie Show", Madonna dressed as a whipcracking dominatrix from the Weimar Republic, surrounded by topless dancers. Later in the show, taking yet another raunchy page from Dietrich's act, Madonna appears in mens clothing outrageously flirting with the dancing girls, pumping, grinding and kissing them while singing "Like a Virgin".

About this time in her life, Madonna horned in on Dietrich's bisexual personal life and began rumored affairs with comedienne Sandra Bernhard and lesbian nightclub queen Ingrid Casares.

Madonna has crafted her femme fatale persona as carefully as Dietrich, who provided her the blueprint. Madonna's also channeled Marlene's Prussian iron will. Nothing can stop these ubermensches in their quest for world domination.

Dietrich fell off the stage at age 70, her wig stapled to her head, her facial skin pulled back with tape, her swollen legs bloodied and bandaged and stuffed into her high heels. She broke her leg. The next night she turns up on stage, smiling, singing, camping it up in a tight sequined gown despite excruciating pain and her leg encased in a cast. Hows that for Teutonic toughness?!

A middle-aged Madonna fell off her horse at her country estate and nearly broke half the bones in her body. Witnesses report that she cried out in pain in a perfect British accent. Now thats steely resolve. Less than a year later, the sinewy filly dances her ass off in her latest stage show "Confessions". Writhing down a dance pole in a tight black leather outfit while belting out "Like a Virgin", shes got a skeptical world eating outta her leather gloved hand, while holding an S&M apparatus attached to a human "horse" with the other. She mounts the muzzled, muscular male dancer. Then she reminds us just how indestructible she is. She flashes MRI images and x-rays of her broken bones on the huge screen behind her.

Oy vey, she's out-Dietriched Marlene!!

In what we can only hope is a final homage to her androgynous show biz benefactor, Madonna chose the 2003 MTV awards for her piece de resistance in her "shocking" gender-bending oeuvre. Madonna dressed herself up in a black tux as a groom while former Mouseketeers turned Lolitas, Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera, were outfitted in faux bridal gowns. After the three did a titillating gyration in sync, Madonna slipped the tongue to Aguilera and then planted a Sapphic smooch on Britney. Their lesbian romp earned thunderous applause from the aroused crowd. And the congregation sat in shocked disbelief

And now Madonna is mimicking yet another beautiful bisexual, ANGELINA JOLIE.

Oscar winner Jolie donates a third of her mega-million dollar income to philanthropic causes, including the UN agency (UNHCR) that assists 20 million refugees in 120 countries. She candidly gave CNN's Anderson Cooper the compelling reason for her largesse: "Yes, well, I have a stupid income for what I do for a living." And who can argue with that?

It looks like the Hollywood pendulum is swinging the other way. Conspicuous consumption is now morphing into conspicuous philanthropy.

After Jolie's two-hour CNN interview, Madonna announced her plans to raise at least $3 million to care for orphans in the AIDS-afflicted African country of Malawi. The former Material Girl will visit Africa this fall and credits her faith in reinvention, oops sorry, her faith in Kabbalah with shifting her priorities.

Now if those rumors we hear about Angelina splitting up with Brad are true, you better watch your ass, hubby Guy Ritchie.

(c) 2006 Sistarrs International

12 comments:

Dj Odessa said...

Fabulous blog Starr Girls....I really enjoyed reading - it's spot on. Lady Madonna has always 'borrowed' a look....her recent Disco incarnation is very 'Saturday Night Fever' with a large dollop of 'Abba' thrown in, even down to the white lycra catsuit she don's (& looks amazing/flawless in) that the two Abba girls wore on stage during their 1979 Wembley show.

My copy of 'Cheat Sheet's has arrived & I'm totally loving it.....can't put it down!!Thank you both so much ; ) O xxx

Cindy said...

Once again, awesome! It is really neat how much present day hollywood is so similar to old hollywood! your ability to bring the two together amazes me!

Angel said...

Another masterpiece! You ladies never cease to amaze & amuse me! As for Madonna....You can't blame a girl for trying to be original...Oops! Wait....Did I say original? What I meant to say is slutty! Ummmmm...No, that's not it either. Can't blame a girl for clawing her way to the top...No matter who she has to beat down, or steal from! Hhmmmm...Getting closer....Can't blame a girl for climbing whom ever needs to be climbed to get to the damn top!! THAT'S MORE LIKE IT!!! Whatever the case with Madonna....And don't get me wrong...You ladies know that I can appreciate a certain level of raunch...But C'MON Madonna....Show a LITTLE original creativity for once! SHEESH!! It's all been done already!!

Great job Ladies!!

xoxoAngel

Andy said...

Excellent blog! You two are amazing writers and I always love hearing your witty podcasts!

LaYnNa said...

I Loved this Blog.. I think what you are doing is so neat.. YOu always put a smile on my face when I read your blogs. I look foward to reading what you write, Keep up the Good work ladies.. I wish I could write as well as you guys do.. LOVE ya.

LaYnNa

Vivian said...

This is so Madonna......I love everything she does she is true to herself.....she does what she does because that is what she wants to do and does not care what anyone thinks....Talent, independence and strength has helped her to last in the entertainment world.

~Wyzowl~ said...

Hey Ladies...loved your blog! I admire Madonna's spirit, but Marlene was one of a kind...the original is best:

Here's a few Marlene quotes: "I am at heart a gentleman". "Glamor is what I sell. It's my stock in trade". "I dress for the image. Not for myself, not for the public, not for fashion, not for men." "If there's a supreme being, he's crazy!"

Love, Wyzowl x

Drew press said...

MADONNA IS THE QUEEN OF RE-INVENTION,WHICH IS WHY SHE HAS BEEN ABLE TO REMAIN SUCH AN ICON. IN FACT,IT'S GENUIS WHEN SO MANY OTHER STARS JUST FADE AWAY. BRITNEY SPEARS AND SO MANY OTHER POP STARS TRY (BUT IN MY OPINION FAIL PATHETICLY) TO EMULATE HER. SEEMS SHE ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT THE PUBLIC WANTS TO SEE AND WHEN. EVEN IF THE PUBLIC DOESNT WANT TO SEE IT~SHE PUTS IT OUT THERE AND ADDS HER OWN TWIST TO IT. MADONNA MAY HAVE "BORROWED" CERTAIN LOOKS FROM THE PAST....BUT NO ONE DOES IT LIKE SHE DOES.

♥pinkbombshells™ said...

i love Madonna, so much so, that I have a portrait of her tattooed on my arm

♥Bittersweet♥ said...

This article is brilliantly written, but no matter what Madonna is Madonna and no one can ever change that. She's admitted to "borrowing" looks from the classic eras and I think this is brilliant. She's just bringing them back for the younger generation to enjoy. And who else could accomplish this? For years, Madonna has been one of the greatest icons of this country and it's because she doesn't care what others think. She goes after what she wants and usually she gets it. This is a strong, smart, and incredible woman and I applaud her for everything she's done. After all the bad publicity she's had, millions of people still adore her. I truly think Madonna and her re-inventions are wonderful because we can enjoy seeing her perform for the future years to come. I consider Madonna my hero and my inspiration and thank her for being her. <3

But nonetheless, nice article.

Freezy Gurl said...

This is hysterical and entertaining as always you guys! i love this.."Dietrich fell off the stage at age 70, her wig stapled to her head, her facial skin pulled back with tape, her swollen legs bloodied and bandaged and stuffed into her high heels"...and then.."A middle-aged Madonna fell off her horse at her country estate and nearly broke half the bones in her body. Witnesses report that she cried out in pain in a perfect British accent. Now thats steely resolve.

Thanks for another great read! xoxo

Alex said...

What a fantastic blog!! How you weave past and present Hollywood together

is so unique...nobody else is doing it but the fabulous, brilliant, hip Starr Sisters.

Madonna fans & detractors alike gotta give respect and props for your great work!!

My entire family reads you guys religiously!!