PAM ANDERSON & GANDHI: SEXY VEGETARIANS

Voluptuous Pam Anderson seduces her carnivorous fans by cooing: "For the best orgasm ever, go vegetarian." That girl doesn't lie. Check out her x-rated video: "Stolen Honeymoon: Hardcore & Uncensored." The Baywatch pinup gives full credit to her vegan diet for her intense, stupendous sex life. As her buddy Bill Maher says: "Meat is dirty. I wouldn't touch a hot dog without a condom on it."

For the highly sexed Hindu vegetarian Gandhi, his vow of celibacy in his mid-thirties led to a titanic struggle to remain sexually abstinent. "It's like walking on the sword's edge," he moaned nostalgically. The randy Mahatma, Great Soul, was a huge flirt who worshipped women. He finally worked out his celibacy by invoking the Hindu worship of semen as the vital life force. The culture believes that loss of semen through sex is debilitating to body and mind. Gandhi needed his ALL to bring independence to his homeland through his gospel of militant non-violence. British rule was defeated. Mother India triumphed.

Pam's no slouch either in waging militant, non-violent war against the forces of darkness.

The sexpot wore a lettuce leaf bikini to urge meat lovers to "turn over a new leaf and eat vegetarian." Now that's irresistibly subversive.

Through her work with PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, she consistently condemns the fashion industry for their use of fur. Her best friend Carmen Electra backs her up: "It's sad. That's a living creature. We don't have the right to take their life away just for fashion."

Pam, no doubt, heard actress Bea Arthur's horror story: "I was in a Broadway show and I had to wear a fox's fur around my shoulders. One day my hand touched one of the fox's legs. It seemed to be in two pieces. Then it dawned on me. The leg had probably been snapped in two by the steel trap that had caught it." Bea shared the dais with Pamela at her "Comedy Central Roast", which benefited PETA.

Gandhi shared Pamela's passion for safeguarding animals from wanton cruelty. "The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way it treats its animals. To my mind, the life of a lamb is no less precious than that of a human being."

Pam went after the KFC fast-food chain for its cruel treatment of the chickens destined for the Colonel's kitchens. PETA made an agitprop underground video detailing the horrific abuses.

A stunned, but ever gracious Beyoncé was recently ambushed by a PETA supporter at a charity dinner and forced to watch this video. Guess PETA never heard of Gandhi's advice when encountering meat eaters or colonialists: "Whenever you are confronted with an opponent, conquer him with love." Our advice to Beyoncé: Found a group called, PETH: People for the Ethical Treatment of Humans.

Let's always remember that Hitler was a vegetarian and Jesus ate meat at the Last Supper. So, there is such a thing as a fascist vegetarian, lest we forget.

Pam demanded a boycott of KFC, complaining that modern chickens are "so top heavy that they can barely walk." Wow, Pam, your breast implants left you top heavy, too. By the way, the silicone gel used in implants is tested on animals.

Gandhi's boycott of British and foreign made goods proved more effective. People bought Indian instead. To promote village self-sufficiency, Gandhi, in a loincloth, took to his spinning wheel and popularized hand-spun cloth. A Brahman supporter once joked: "You will never know how much it coasts to keep that saint, that wonderful old man in poverty." Remember, Gandhi for many years was a lawyer who wore a three-piece tailored morning suit to court.

Gandhi & Pam prove that nobody's perfect and everybody can change.

Pam has fronted PETA's anti-leather campaign for years, even urging Mercedes-Benz to change its leather interiors. Yet for the film Barb Wire, the highly paid star wore a sexy, black leather outfit.

Hepatitis C, which can lead to liver cancer, hit Pam a few years back. In 2002, she served as the Grand Marshal for an American Liver Foundation fundraiser. The group believes that animal testing is essential for finding a cure for liver diseases, and funds the research.

Yes, life is one big oxymoron.

Saintly Gandhi was very human, too. Married at 13, he missed being at his father's deathbed because of "lustful pangs" (sex) toward his young, pregnant wife. That left him with an abiding guilt about sex that would eventually be sublimated in political activism. Gandhi made his celibacy official after the birth of his fourth son. He told his wife NO MORE SEX. This caused her much stress, which means Gandhi must've performed quite well in the sack.

He left the marital bed forever, but later caused a scandal by sleeping with young, naked girls to keep him warm and to "test his resolve." The Mahatma warmers were all virgins and young brides in his inner circle. The celibate master and his harem lived in emotional chaos. When one of his disciples, Raihana Tyabji, a celibate and a healer, slept naked with one of her patients, Gandhi scolded her.

Pam, who admits to "monkey sex" with her former hubby Tommy Lee and other rocker boyfriends, is now taking on Madison Avenue's ad agencies for using chimps and apes in commercials. The animal rights activist says:

"The chimps are forced to endure the stress of performing pathetic tricks under the lights in front of crowds. I choose to have that kind of life, these animals didn't."

Yep, vegetarians are sexy folk.

And life is one big oxymoron...

(c)2006, Sistarrs International